Anti-Me

Everything has an opposite. I'm not talking about a mirror universe with my own personal Evil Spock. Somewhere out there is a person that hates everything that I love, and loves everything I hate. My antithesis. The thought's not a new one, I know, but intriguing all the same.

So, what'd be up with the anti-me?

• He wouldn't laugh when seeing the infomercial with the food chopper that "cleverly rotates." What the hell does that mean?
• His friends would never refer to him with as "I-Would-Have Gotten-Away-With-It-Too, If-It-Hadn't-Been-For-You-Meddling-Kids Adam." Long story.
• He's also a graphic artist, but insists on using Microsoft Publisher on an archaic PC. Making no mistakes, he insists that all copy is provided on damp used napkins and that proofing is a waste of time. He never uses any fonts but Times Bold and an all-caps script that he downloaded online, cause it makes everything look really classy.
• He'd love Steven Segal movies, Walker, Texas Ranger and Carrot Top.
• Coconut would be his bread, caffeine-free sugar-free one-calorie diet soda his butter. Sushi would be considered evil.
• He would never get tired of fart jokes.
• He'd be able to pronounce the word "tequila" properly every time.
• All of his blogs would be written completely in internet shorthand/slang and smilies. (thx UR GR8!)
• He would insist on driving with rap music so loud that his license plate holder buzzes. He doesn't think it's important to be able to hear his music, as long as everyone else within 1500 feet can.
• He would be able to think of more than this.